10 Pitches for Hollywood Remakes Set in the Coronapocalypse


By: Catherine Lazăr

1. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off


It is Spring 2020, school is canceled, the nation is self-isolating, and 17-year-old Ferris Bueller is feeling restless. He convinces his girlfriend Sloane and his best friend Cameron to escape quarantine with him and explore a mostly abandoned downtown Chicago. They visit empty tourist attractions, raid the fridges of closed-down restaurants, and lead a 3-member parade down the traffic-free streets! Cameron, who suffers from an auto-immune disease, contracts COVID-19 and dies. As an asymptomatic carrier, Sloane passes the virus to her vulnerable grandmother. Ferris, whose popularity fuels a Go-Fund-Me campaign, receives top-level care and survives.

2. In Bruges


Two hit-men are laying low in Brussels after a botched job, when the pandemic begins and their flights are canceled. Even as the picturesque village grinds to a halt, the misfit professional killers still manage to get themselves in hilarious, life-threatening, and possibly romantic trouble. 

3. Titanic


Titanic 2020: Rose is a first-class passenger on a luxury cruise. Jack is a fun-loving ex-con who can only find employment on international waters. Though they come from different worlds, their hearts collide. Unfortunately, tragedy ensues as the coronavirus breaks out across the ship. Will love survive?

4. Pretty Woman


Vivian is a feisty young prostitute trying to get on her feet and out of the streets. The night before LA goes on lockdown, she is picked up by the cold, calculating, but handsome business tycoon Edward Lewis. What would have been a few hours of purchased companionship turns into a luxury hotel quarantine romance. It’s a tale of rags-to-riches-to-respirator, a COVID Cinderella story!

5. The Shining


The empty, mountain-locked Overlook Hotel seems like the perfect place for writer Jack Torrance, his wife, and their young son to self-isolate during the coronavirus pandemic. However, the virus is not the only threat to this family. It seems the hotel itself is trying to infect the sanity of its guests. With no help from the overwhelmed outside world, the sinister powers of the Overlook, terrorize Jack, Wendy, and Danny. 

6. Five Feet Apart


Same exact movie, but now all characters are six feet apart.

7. Black Swan


Some artists will stop at nothing to reach success. Nina is a talented young dancer on the rise, but she battles dark secrets that threaten to end her career. Despite testing positive for COVID-19, Nina endangers the health of her dance company and New York City at large by continuing to attend rehearsals. As her condition worsens, her fever dreams become a waking nightmare. 

8. Mean Girls


Cady Heron thought her high school social life was “survival of the fittest,” but when the coronavirus hits, online learning takes teenage mind games to a whole new level. Remember the “3-way calling attack” from the original? The COVID-era remake is that scene for 96 minutes.

9. Home Alone


Kevin McCallister’s family goes on a vacation to France, and accidentally left him behind! But due to the spread of COVID-19, isolated Kevin might just be the safest 8-year-old in America. His family’s flight is canceled, and they try to return home, but Kevin has rigged a set of hilarious and imaginative bobby traps to keep his potentially virus-carrying family out! 

10. Les Miserables


Set against the backdrop of 21st-century France, Jean Valjean tries to rebuild his life after being arrested for stealing a roll of toilet paper. When he agrees to take in Cosette, a young girl orphaned after her mother falls victim to COVID-19, his life is changed forever. Reckless of heart and robust of health, Cosette falls in love with Marius, a member of the revolution fighting for equal healthcare access for all. All lyrics to “On My Own” stay the same, and Eponine is the only character who survives because she is practicing safe social distancing. 

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