So I’ve been doing the online dating thing for awhile but I cancelled my account*.
Please don’t wiggle your eyebrows and say with a coy tone, “OOOoooOOOoooo, why did you cancel your account?” That’s been my plan since January. I was going to finish up my subscription to eHarmony and then take a break before signing up for a different site. Relax. Geez.
I’ve seen many dating profiles. Like, a lot. eHarmony matches you with 7 people MINIMUM per day. That’s a lot of people to try to talk to. I’ve tried to be fair and go through all of my matches. When you go through 7-15 profiles a day, not all of them are winners. Which meant that I had a good amount of material when it came to talking about what kind of profiles I had seen and what I thought of them.
I find that online dating profiles is a fun and interesting topic. Before I signed up for online dating, I did a decent amount of research to see what was good to include in a profile and what was not. With about a year and half of online dating under my belt, I am throwing my hat into the Online Dating Profile Thoughts ring. In this post you will find three things that made me say Yay, May, or Nay to a match. If you’re considering making a profile, I hope this is helpful. If you just wanna know about my dating life, this really won’t tell you anything but hopefully it will be entertaining.
DISCLAIMER: I have only listed factors that I have seen in more than one profile. Because, obviously the guy who described himself as a mama’s boy got a huge pass, but I only saw that once.
Pictures with guns.
Seeing a picture of a man with a gun does not make me feel protected, it does not make me think that he is a provider, it does not make me think that he is strong, it does not make think that he is sexy or manly. It just makes me uncomfortable and honestly, very nervous. This isn’t a gun rights thing. Look, people (especially women) risk a lot when they go on a date with a stranger. I have to be aware of who I’m going out with and I have to do everything in my power to stay and feel safe. Going on a date with a stranger who “loves to shoot” does not make me feel safe.
You would not believe the profiles I have seen that started with a guy writing a letter to the reader, making assumptions about who she is. The ones that made me gag the most were ones that began with something like, “When you were young, your parents read Cinderella and you dreamed of your own Prince” BARF. It never improved from that point.
Shirtless bathroom mirror selfies.
Look, I know that including a body shot in a profile is important. But you can do that with a shirt on, or upload a picture from the beach or the pool where it’s appropriate to be shirtless (still not my favorite). Whether the guy means to or not, shirtless bathroom mirror selfies sends a strong “DTF” vibe. That’s not what I’m looking for. I’m on eHarmony, not Tinder.
Describes self as sarcastic.
There is a fine line between sarcasm and being mean. The majority of guys that I’ve been on dates with that described themselves as sarcastic were really just jaded and rude. Sarcasm was simply a mask. However, I know the humor of a well-crafted sarcastic remark. It can be really funny. Maybe the guy also can execute sarcasm appropriately, and maybe that’s what he means when he describes himself as sarcastic. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. So it wasn’t an automatic dealbreaker, but if the guy didn’t have an interesting profile, I typically passed.
Posing with a fish.
This isn’t a dealbreaker, I just personally think it’s lame.
Posting a picture with following caption, “This picture is from a few years ago but I haven’t changed.”
Yeah, OK, dude. If that were true, you could have just left it there without the disclaimer.
On eHarmony, the first question was “What are you most passionate about?” and I would say 60%-75% of guys just had a list (Ex: Family, Friends, Jesus, sports, and good food.) Now, most things on the list typically were good and I could see how one could be passionate about them. It wasn’t my favorite that they wrote it as a list, but as long as there were no red flags, I figured you could never really get to know someone util you actually talked to them anyway and would proceed. BUT, the guys who actually answered in multiple, grammatically correct sentences made me very happy. As long as there were no red flags, they got a yes.
I know that not all people like to read leisurely. I understand that everyone has a variety of gifts. I don’t believe that just because a guy hasn’t read A Tale of Two Cities it means he isn’t intelligent. But if a guy just wrote “I don’t read” that was incredibly annoying. It just sounds uneducated and unintelligent. So when a guy either listed what he read recently (and his thoughts) or wrote something like, “I don’t read a lot in my spare time but I like to keep up with current events and read studies pertaining to my line of work”, that was really cool to me. They got a yes.
Doesn’t Take Self too Seriously
I don’t understand the appeal of the mysterious, broody man. In film it’s one thing….but even then, the films I like that feature the mysterious, broody man includes character development where he is no longer that person by the end of the film. I’m all for a mature man, but a mature man can be lighthearted and silly and fun. So a guy who either made a silly, witty joke or two in his profile and/or included one funny picture got a yes.
So those are my tips. Hopefully it was either somewhat helpful or interesting (or both)
*OK, I have to write about this somewhere, because deleting my eharmony account was ridiculous.
So I went to delete my account, right? I click “Delete Account”.
A graphic came up of about 6-8 of my most recent matches. The pictures started to fall away, as if they were photos on a wall falling down. They fell away until there was one remaining, and (I’m not kidding), the picture DANGLED for about 7-10 full seconds and then fell away. Then this little disclaimer came up, “Are you sure? You won’t be able to see or communicate with any of your most recent matches.”
The two options were “Nevermind, I want my matches!” and “Delete my account”. I clicked “delete my account” hoping that this was over.
No lie, a picture of a frowning pug came up with accompanying text, “We’re so sorry to see you go! You are welcome back at anytime” Then it came with two more options, “Sign Up and Log In” and “Exit”. I clicked “Exit”.
I can’t make this stuff up, it wasn’t over. A picture came up of the hands of a male and a female, holding a heart that said, “See you soon!”
Well, hopefully not!! Hopefully eHarmony users won’t have their account forever that’s the point of online dating!!
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