I’m in my late 20s.
It’s a tough time.
The transition from school and grad school (times 2) to real life was very bumpy.
I spent a long time trying to figure out my goals and find a job that I actually like to go to every morning.
I’m seeing engagement announcements on Facebook.
I’m being asked by almost literally everyone about whether or not I’m single.
And then the asinine follow up question of “Why”?
Listen up, world. It is never ok to judge a person’s worth or happiness based on whether or not that person is attached to someone, married, engaged, or whatever.
I was annoyed enough when people asked me why I didn’t have a full-time, 6 figure job (people my age make 6 figures?!). I was annoyed enough when I was compared to my law school graduate brother (I love him but it’s a tough shadow to have to sit in).
I don’t need new friends, old friends, co-workers, family members, or employers asking me why I’m not dating, or even trying.
When you’re getting to know new friends or co-workers, it’s totally normal to ask things such as:
- What kind of movies do you like?
- What do you do for fun?
- Do you like to spend time with friends or a significant other?
- Do you all get together often?
- What is your family like?
- Do you have any pets?
Those are some examples of proper “getting to know more about your life outside of work/school/whatever” questions.
- “You’re single? And why is that?”
Is NEVER an ok question.
How do you answer that?
- “I’m picky.”
- “It’s not my time.”
- “I’m just doin’ me right now.”
- “I don’t get out much.”
- “How do you even meet people nowadays?”
- “I dated someone once and it sucked so I never did it again.”
- “Well I like slightly nerdy guys, who have the hipster beard look, but the drinking and drug habits of a Duggar, so I’m screwed.”
Listen, these are all my valid, true answers, but it’s also my own personal business.
If I’m having some grade-A honesty time with friends, these are things I’ll say.
I don’t think that I have to justify being unattached, or my lack of being co-dependent, or whatever with another person. Especially to co-workers, acquaintances, or my higher-ups.
I’ve even had close friends say to me “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll find someone soon!” in response to me being the only one not in a couple when we’re at dinner or out and about. And this comes totally unprompted too. I wasn’t sitting around wallowing. This stuff just comes out of people’s mouths like the worst, most demeaning and non-understanding word vomit I’ve ever encountered.
Is it just me, or are people obsessed with being in relationships? It’s in our movies, music, and TV. I know 14 year olds who hate themselves because they’re single, and popular culture says that this is unacceptable.
Why can’t I just be me and love it?
One day, I’ll connect with someone, and we’ll mesh really well together, and I won’t be single. Until that day, I’m going to enjoy being me. I don’t need to follow anyone else’s schedule. I can do the activities that I want to do, whenever I want.
Most of all, I’m at an age where I really feel I need to be secure in myself and my life, and wallowing about finding another person won’t help me with that.
Like I said, I’m still trying to solidify myself and settle myself down before I can settle down with another person.
There’s no shame in that. I want everyone out there who is engrossed in this weird, social media, Justin Bieber/Taylor Swift culture, who thinks that they have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend otherwise they aren’t cool, to remember this: